When we normalize experiences of shame, we can take away some of its power.

Some people can be more shame prone than others. When a person has had repeated experiences of shame, shame becomes a habitual response, when mild or ordinary events can cause them to feel shame.

Let’s talk about shame and parenting, because shame can often get in the way of finding ease, joy, connection and compassion… and parents are especially vulnerable to feeling shame.

Shame and guilt are ‘moral emotions’ are hardwired into parents to motivate them to keep kids close and safe and well, to ensure humankind’s survival. This means parents tend to feel shame and guilt more easily, even if there is no real need to.

Shame can affect our ability to be and act well, because it can be such an overwhelmingly painful feeling. The sense of self is at stake, and we feel exposed and vulnerable.

Shame is one of those intense and powerful emotions that, when triggered, puts us into fight or flight mode and can hijack our ability to think clearly and make decisions.

For anyone who works with parents, it is helpful to know that shame is likely present, under the surface. And we may do things to trigger that shame… or to help counter or reduce that shame.

If we want to help and be truly effective, we need to pay attention to how parents are feeling because it is how they feel, not what we say that makes the biggest difference.